I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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