I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
