i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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