I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
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