This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
