My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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