My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
