when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
