I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize