Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Randomize
