He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
