you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
God, I missed his penis.
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