you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
organizing the empties. That sober.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Randomize
