Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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