dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Randomize
