I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
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