drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
