I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
