Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
