So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
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