i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Oh god it's open bar.
Randomize
