I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Randomize
