One girl and one boy is just not enough.
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Randomize
