are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize