i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
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