I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
