my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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