what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
she peed on how many people?
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Randomize
