Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Randomize
