you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Randomize
