She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Randomize
