If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Randomize