So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
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