sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize