i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
