Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
