Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
ttyl tear gas
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
