He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Randomize
