you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Damn victory sex feels great
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Randomize
