I feel like I'm in dance class right now
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
My liver just had a heart attack.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
this is an emotional support booty call
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
