Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
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