They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
