paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
