I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
