so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
