he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Randomize
