Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
