How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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