I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
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