If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Randomize
