life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
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