Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Randomize
