it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
Life is so much better after having sex.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Randomize