Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Randomize
