she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
