So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize
