I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
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