She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
