regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
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