He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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