ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Randomize
