I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Please don't give away my fajitas
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
