You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Randomize
